


the only heaven i'll be sent to (is when i'm alone with you)

by NoxWrites



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, F/F, christain girl!josie, its a main focus on posie, lowkey hizzie but its like one scene in chap 3 or 4, rebel girl!penelope, some other minor characters here and there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2019-12-30 02:13:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18306089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoxWrites/pseuds/NoxWrites
Summary: Raphael looks to Penelope and then to Josie whose eyes are on Penelope with a partially open mouth. “Is she taking you home, Josie?”Penelope turns to look at her and the smile that is usually full of mischief is soft and kind. On instinct, Josie gives Penelope a genuine smile in return before looking to Raphael with a stoic face.“Yeah, Penelope’s going to take me home.” As the last word is out of her mouth she feels Penelope tugging her, pushing against Raphael to move him out of their way.orchristian girl!au ft rebel!penelope





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> boop! chapter two is already written and will be up next sunday, idk how many chapters this will be but probably no more than 6 and no less than 3.
> 
> just a heads up: i dont know jack shit about christian schools so rip.

Josie sits in her church pew with her bible on her lap and her sister next to her. Her eyes are closed in prayer as are everyone’s in the building. Or at least, everyone’s eyes were closed until the church doors swing open, hitting the wall to their sides. Josie looks over her shoulder to see a girl in dark clothes tumbling through the hall towards the others. An older woman with a stiff expression pats the spot next to her in the pew and the tumbling girl lets out a chuckle with rolling eyes before she sits next to the woman.

 

Josie jumps a bit when she hears her sisters voice in her ears. “I don’t understand why Penelope even shows up, she disrespects everything and everyone in this church.”

 

Josie just nods her head in agreement before looking back over her shoulder to the girl. Penelope Park is leaning back against the pew, legs in a spread position and one arm slung over the back of the pew. Their eyes meet across the church and Josie turns forward when Penelope gives her a wink. Josie looks up as the sermon continues, to her right Lizzie sniffles and their mother offers her a handkerchief. Josie stays focused on the sermon through the rest of the service but in the back of her mind something tugs at her, trying to get her to turn around. She ignores it, shaking her head to shake away the thought. 

 

As the pews all stand, Josie chances a glance to the ones behind her. Penelope is still looking at her, slowly opening her mouth as she chews on her gum. Josie looks down at her feet and back up only to see the girl’s eyes still on her. Josie is pushed in the lower back by Lizzie as it's their pew’s turn to approach. They step up and thank the priest before moving on to the left and around the outside of the pews to leave. 

 

Josie hears a pop and everyone’s eyes shift to see Penelope with remnants of a freshly popped piece of bubble of gum on her lips. Penelope’s eyes roll as the priest in front of her berates her publicly, her rolling eyes land on Josie and her lips curl up into a smirk. Josie shakes her head and lowers her gaze to the ground. Lizzie cuts around Josie’s stiff form to keep walking. Josie feels Caroline’s hand on her shoulder, she looks up to see her mother smiling down on her.

 

“Are you alright, Josie?” Caroline’s voice is soft and joyful. 

 

Josie’s lips flatten into a straight line and she nods her head, following Lizzie out to the family car. They sit in the car in silence despite Lizzie’s incessant sneezing. She complains as they get closer to home and farther from the church.

 

“I just don’t understand why she shows up, I mean she just embarrasses herself. Honestly, I feel bad for Mrs and Mr Park.”  Lizzie says in between sneezes.

 

“Elizabeth.” Caroline reprimands with just a word and Lizzie is silent, resuming her sneezes into the handkerchief. 

 

Josie smiles a little bit as they pull into their driveway. 

 

―

 

Josie walks out of fifth period with her friend Hope in tow. Both girls have their bags over their shoulder and their books in their arms. Through the halls of the Salvatore School, they walk next to each other in their uniforms. 

 

“How sick is she? Is she alright?” Hope rolls her eyes as they sit down in the cafeteria.

 

Josie shrugs her shoulders. “She says she felt like her brain was going to explode. Mom even stayed home to make sure she was okay today.”

 

They set their books on the table they’ve occupied, usually the three seats that curl around the circular table are occupied by Hope, Lizzie, and Josie but today Hope and Josie sit next to each other on the same metal bench. Her book is open and they start scribbling notes in their journals. Their entire focus is on the notes necessary for Monday’s classes, getting started on their weekend homework.

 

“Ms. Park, this is your fourth infraction this month.” Hope and Josie look up at the yelling teacher. 

 

Penelope is wearing her uniform sweater around her hips, tied at the front and settling just below her hips. Her shirt which should be a white blouse is a white tank top with splatters of paint as an accent. Her shorts are jeans instead of the usual khaki material. She’s wearing no show socks with sneakers. The drastic contrast of her outfit to the true uniform is shocking.

 

Josie wears the typical sweater around her white blouse with a skirt of polyester in the Salvatore school colors. Her socks reach the base of her knees and her shoes are dress shoes with no heels. Not a wrinkle or piece of lint in sight.  

 

Penelope rolls her eyes at the teacher, “It is almost ninety degrees with a high humidity. Wearing a long sleeve out here would be suicide.”

 

“Ms. Park, to the headmaster’s office.” Penelope rolls her eyes and turns on her heels. 

 

Penelope looks over her shoulder and looks Josie in the eyes. Josie immediately looks down but she catches the small rising smirk on Penelope’s lips. She stares at her notes, the letters blur as she reads them and they seem to rearrange themselves. Suddenly she’s staring at Penelope’s name and an image of her lips made out of letters. An ‘m’ makes the bow of Penelope’s lips, enthralling and enchanting despite being false in their appearance.  

 

She blinks repeatedly, the image still burned into her eyelids as she closes them. Her mind fights to push past her thoughts of Penelope Park and on the notes she has to take. With every second of unfocus she grows more frustrated. A loud smack pulls her out of her frustration as their friend MG sets his textbook down across from them. 

 

“No, Lizzie?” MG starts to open his book before pulling out a brown lunch sack from his backpack. 

 

Josie feels her stomach growl as he pulls out apple slices and carrots along with his other usual snacks. MG sees her eyeing his food and he nudges the apples towards her. 

 

Josie smiles and thanks him, taking a few apple slices as she explains. “She’s sick so she’s at home.” 

 

MG nods his head and the group starts diving into their work once more. Josie blocks out most of the conversations as they write. Her mind focuses on the words as best to her ability but with every few lines, her thoughts drift to a rule-breaking rebel who seems set on making Josie’s mind a confused mess. 

 

It’s not until the bell for their last period rings out that Josie forgets about Penelope for a second and begins to collect her books. Hope and Josie separate in the hallway as their classes are on opposite sides of the building. MG follows Josie, his notebook still open as he scribbles small drawings in the margins of his notes. 

 

“So what’s this one about?” Josie asks with genuine curiosity. 

 

MG doesn’t look up, just sticks his tongue out in focus as he draws in haste. “I had this idea where we were all different superheroes. Well, more like monsters. I’m this dope vampire with super speed and super strength. You and Lizzie are witches. Hope is this weird mix of a vampire, a witch, and a werewolf.”

 

“What are Lizzie’s and my powers?” Josie holds the door open as he doesn’t look up but instinctively steps into their classroom. 

 

She settles into her seat and looks over as MG sits next to her. He turns the page towards her. “You guys can siphon magic from everything around you.” 

 

The teacher taps her yardstick against her desk and everyone looks up, out of the corner of her eyes she sees MG still hunched over his comic. She smiles and just puts all of her focus on the teacher as they begin class. 

 

During the midst of the lecture the door opens behind her, she keeps her focus on her page as office assistants come and go as they wish. What catches her attention is the clinking as metal zippers hit against each other. She looks up as the person walks between the aisle where her seat is settled. She looks up as a the sound of gum smacking begins to irritate her and the rest of the class, pens fall to the sides of the paper as the teacher glares at the disturbance. 

 

“Ms. Park, your tardiness is growing increasingly more frustrating.” Penelope nods her head in agreement before walking to the seat directly in front of MG and across from Josie. 

 

Penelope looks over her shoulder to MG, she smiles at his drawings and points to one. Josie can’t hear but he smiles and explains something about the drawing. They only talk for a moment before they are reprimanded. 

 

“Ms. Park, eyes forward. Do not distract other students.” The lecture begins once more and Penelope rolls her eyes before sitting forward. 

 

Josie’s eyes burn in the back of Penelope’s head as she tries to split her focus between lecture and the leather jacket that Penelope is wearing. She’s still clearly breaking school dress code but it seems the headmaster just wanted her covered up at the minimum. 

 

“Ms. Saltzman.” 

 

Josie looks up at the question written on the whiteboard. Her mind blanks as she reviews her notes. The last line of notes is on the findings of DNA but the question relates to recessive and dominant genes. She bites her lip in worry as tries to remember. 

 

“Do you not know Ms. Saltzman?” Josie is nearly about to admit her defeat until out of the corner of her eyes she sees something sliding onto the corner of her table. 

 

With a glance downward she sits upright, “Two parents each with recessive genes have a higher chance of having a child who displays the recessive trait.” 

 

The teacher nods her head and as she’s about to continue the bell for the end of the day rings through the school. “Okay, read pages 167 to 194 before Monday we will be having a quiz!”

 

Josie slips her notebook into her hands, taking the piece of paper from the edge of her table and shoving it in her skirt pockets. She rushes from her classroom and heads towards Hope’s last class. 

 

Together Hope and Josie begin to leave the school. Josie and Hope stand at the sidewalk surrounding the school’s parking lot. They stand amongst students as the rush to leave school becomes a war of pedestrians and cars. 

 

“Are you busy on Sunday after church?” Josie speaks up as she scrolls through her phone. 

 

Hope shakes her head with a half frown, “No, my aunt Freya and Keelin are taking me to visit some family friends.”

 

Josie nods her head in understanding. A black truck rolls up along the sidewalk and Hope waves goodbye as she throws her bag into the back seat and opens the passenger door. Josie watches as Hope leaves along with other students and their rides. She stands against a tree as she waits for her mother to come to pick her up in silence as the student body outside slowly dwindles to nearly no one.

 

_Hey, mom took me to the doctor’s she’s not going to be able to pick you up. Love you!_

 

Josie lets out a heavy sigh as she reads Lizzie’s text. She swings her bag around her shoulder and starts putting everything but her phone inside, deciding against carrying the heavy books in her arms. She starts to walk through the nearly empty parking lot as she sets off for home. 

 

Her back is straight and her shoulders are pushed back as she walks through. She walks past a group of parked cars where a handful of guys are hanging around and laughing. She notices one from her Home Economics class and he sees her, gives her a genuine smile and waves. It captures the attention of the guys around him and they all turn to see her. The guy from her class stands and approaches her, the guys he passes give a soft whistle in their direction. 

 

“Hey, Raph,” Josie speaks as she continues to walk away from the cars and boys. 

 

Raphael gives Josie a soft smile and tilts his head with a look of innocence. “Hey, Josie, what’s going on?”

 

Josie steps to the side to continue on her path but he follows parallel and blocks it. “Oh, nothing I’m just heading home.”

 

“Do you want a ride?” Raphael points over his shoulder to the group of cars. 

 

With the looks and smirks of the guys around the cars, Josie feels her stomach clench in anxiety. “Oh, no I’m okay but thank you, Raph.”

 

“It would be real quick. I don’t want you walking home alone, you never know who’s out here.” Raph’s smile grows on one side into a smirk, trying to charm her into accepting. 

 

Josie opens her mouth to reply but before she can say anything someone has looped their arms between her own. “Down, boy. Little cheater already has an escort home.”

 

Raphael looks to Penelope and then to Josie whose eyes are on Penelope with a partially open mouth. “Is she taking you home, Josie?”

 

Penelope turns to look at her and the smile that is usually full of mischief is soft and kind. On instinct, Josie gives Penelope a genuine smile in return before looking to Raphael with a stoic face. 

 

“Yeah, Penelope’s going to take me home.” As the last word is out of her mouth she feels Penelope tugging her, pushing against Raphael to move him out of their way. 

 

Josie watches her feet as they walk, questioning herself and her decision to have Penelope walk her home if that's even where Penelope is truly taking her. She doesn’t speak, she stays quiet as they continue to walk. Penelope looks over her shoulder to wave at the boys as they are out of the parking lot and are walking through the park across from the school. 

 

Penelope inevitably lets go of Josie’s arm the further they get from the school and the lot. Josie feels odd when she looks to Penelope’s hand in frustration, missing the warmth of their arms intertwined. 

 

“What’s going on in that beautiful brain of yours, Jojo?” Josie doesn’t know what it is but the nickname makes her heart flutter and her body fill with warmth. 

 

Josie reaches into the pocket of her skirt to hold out a note. “Did you give me this?” 

 

Penelope looks at the note and shoves her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket. “Maybe.”

 

Josie suddenly finds herself frustrated with the lack of an answer. “I’m not a cheater, I’ve just had a bad day but thank you for the help. Next time, don’t.”

 

“Oh, Jojo. I didn’t mean to question your intentions. I knew your focus laid elsewhere so I helped out.” Penelope looks up and smiles.

 

Josie gives her a bewildered look then shakes her head, putting the note back in her pocket. “Well, then thank you.” 

 

Penelope gives her a soft nod and they continue to walk. Josie stays quiet as they continue through the park. They make it to the neighborhood beyond it and Josie begins to take the lead towards her house. Penelope holds out a pack of gum towards Josie but when Josie denies it she puts it back in her pocket, not taking one for herself. 

 

They turn down her cul-de-sac and Josie looks to her house, seeing her mother’s car in the driveway. Penelope must sense something wrong because she nudges Josie’s arm. 

 

“There a reason your mom didn’t come to pick you up?” Penelope’s voice is inquisitive as she points to the compact car. 

 

Josie stops on the sidewalk in front of her house. “She took Lizzie to the doctor’s.”

 

Penelope nods her head. “And that means she can’t come find you after?”

 

Josie looks to her feet and then back up to Penelope is silence and Penelope just nods her head. “Okay, well, here you are Josette Saltzman. Home Sweet Home.”

 

“Yeah.” Josie looks up at the front door and back to Penelope, swaying on her feet. Penelope raises her brow in question. “Can I ask you something?”

 

Penelope nods her head and Josie continues. “Why do you not care?”

 

“I don’t understand.” Penelope puts her weight on one hip and leans as she takes in Josie. 

 

“Well, today you came to Biology forty minutes late. You never dress within code. You come barging into services and you don’t pay attention.” Josie slowly looks down as the words come out harsher than intended. 

 

Penelope gives Josie a smirk, the genuineness of their walk gone and her defenses have risen. “Tell me how you really feel.” Penelope lets out a short laugh. “Here’s the thing, Jojo. I care. I care so much but no one seems to care about me. I want to be myself, not someone my parents sculpt and dress into a small version of themselves. I want to be Penelope, not my mom or my dad or a priest or anything anyone else wants. How am I supposed to be myself if everyone is telling me to be what they want?” 

 

Josie’s heart sinks. “Maybe, try harder?”

 

Penelope scoffs and shakes her head. “Maybe you should try less,” she steps past Josie and starts to walk away. “Goodnight, Jojo.”

 

“Try less?” Josie snaps back, turning around to see Penelope walking away. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

 

Penelope stops in her tracks, letting out a heavy sigh as she turns around and walks back to Josie. “It means exactly what it sounds like. Stop trying to be what everyone wants you to be. You can’t honestly be happy wearing your little cotton skirts and knee high socks, singing songs old white men wrote thousands of years ago. There’s nothing unique about it, nothing that allows you to be your own individual purpose.”

 

Josie thinks Penelope’s going to continue but when Penelope looks to the side Josie’s eyes follow. The front door to the Saltzman’s house is open and in the door frame is Lizzie, still in pajamas. Lizzie has her arms crossed, the sweater she wears two sizes too big. Penelope looks from the doorway to Josie. Penelope bites her lip and nods her head. 

 

“I better leave before I burst into flames.” Penelope lifts her brow in a jest, she takes a breath and looks up to Josie. “If you want to try a little less, Kaleb is hosting a party tomorrow night. The old mill.”

 

“Tomorrow night? That’s the night before Sunday.” Josie stutters. 

 

Penelope nods her head and starts to walk backward. “See you tomorrow Jojo.” 

 

“Josie!” Lizzie yells from the door frame before walking back inside. 

 

Josie shakes her head as Penelope’s form disappears around the corner of the street. She walks up the grass of their front lawn and walks through the still open door. She gently closes it and puts her backpack on the floor next to the door. 

 

She sees Lizzie on the living room couch, surrounded by tissues and water bottles. The tv is turned on and Lizzie is watching an old showing of Friends. Josie steps behind the couch and leans on the back. 

 

“What was Satan doing in front of our house?” Lizzie speaks up, her voice deep as her sinuses are clogged. 

 

“Elizabeth Saltzman we do not insult people by using the devil’s name!” Their mother shouts from the kitchen. 

 

Lizzie sighs and turns her attention to Josie, Josie shakes her head. “She was walking me home because mom couldn’t pick me up at school. What time did you get home from the doctor’s?”

 

Lizzie looks at the time on the television. “Twenty minutes ago?”

 

“The walk home is fifteen minutes. You were home while I was waiting in the parking lot.” Josie shakes her head. 

 

“Yeah, I needed mom to take care of me.” Lizzie shrugs and presses play. 

 

“You’re 18.” Lizzie gives her a look of confusion. “You would have been fine for five minutes while mom picked me up.” 

 

“You made a friend in,” Lizzie lowers her voice, “Satan.” Her voice returns to its natural volume. “You made it home fine.”

 

“That’s not-“ Josie calms herself with a breath. “That’s not the point.”

 

She turns away from her sister and walks towards the kitchen. “Mother, can I go to the Park’s house tomorrow night?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josie nods her head in clarification as Penelope puts her own feelings into words. “I’m just not like that, I’m not- not-“
> 
> Penelope stands upright, her frustration growing. “There’s nothing wrong with me, Josie. There’s nothing wrong with a girl liking a girl. There’s nothing that makes that any worse than a girl liking some boy. And there’s nothing wrong with you if you think you like girls.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i still dont know how long this fic is going to be but here's the second chapter, its late my bad, i was working on my essays and got carried away but i dont have to worry about them anymore cause I turned them in. so boop!

_ My place in ten minutes. _

 

She locks the screen and holds the phone to her chest before putting them in her skirt pockets.

 

Josie stands in front of her mirror with a face of concern and frustration. Her hands run down her skirt, pulling the hem down a fraction of a centimeter before she sets her hands at her sides. She feels odd with the no-show socks Hope allowed her to borrow. Her legs feel bare with no leggings beneath her skirt, cold as the skirt is the only thing covering her. 

 

Her skirt is orange with a bow around the waist, off-centered. She has her blouse tucked in, a sleeveless one she commonly wears with a sweater or shawl. She shifts the frills around her collar, retying the small string around her neck. She grabs her hair and puts it in a faux bun, holding it together in her hands, before dropping it in frustration. Her head falls back as she takes a deep breath. She looks at herself once more and sighs, settling with the results of her labor. 

 

As she turns behind her to look at her bed, littered with clothes and closet hangers, she grabs a random sweater and puts it over her shoulders. The navy blue of the Salvatore sweater clashes with the pastel orange of her skirt. She opens her door to see her sister sitting on the couch upstairs, her mess of sickness has moved.

 

The couch upstairs is littered in tissues and empty tissue boxes. She has three plastic water bottles, all empty and tipped over. Lizzie leans against the arm of the chair, a pillow below her and a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Lizzie’s head lifts up when Josie steps outside and walks towards the stairs.

 

“Please tell me you are not going wherever devil Park is taking you in  _ that _ ?” Lizzie’s face lights up in horror. 

 

Josie takes a sigh, her foot down one step. “Yes, why?”

 

“Your public image is going to burn, let me help you.” Lizzie starts standing, blanket still wrapped around her shoulders. 

 

“I’m not going anywhere public, just to Penelope’s house.” Josie starts down the stairs again.

 

Lizzie lowers her blanket in a huff, not dropping it from her hands. “Why are you going over there?” 

 

Josie stops three steps down. “Because she invited me, Lizzie.”

 

Lizzie rolls her eyes and sits back down, tucking her blanket tighter around her shoulders. She stuffs her knees beneath herself and returns her attention to the tv in front of her. Josie shakes her head and starts down, once more. She holds onto the stairs’ railing as she descends. Her mother sits at the island of their kitchen, picking at the remnants of her dinner. As Josie’s feet hit the linoleum tiles Caroline turns to look at her.

 

“All ready?” Caroline stands and grips her car keys. 

 

With a nod of her head, Josie starts to follow her mother to the garage. Caroline smiles as they pull away from their house. Josie slips her hands below her thighs as she sits in the passenger seat. It takes them a few minutes to get to Penelope’s house. She makes a mental note to thank Hope for somehow having Penelope’s phone number. 

 

As her mom stops the car Josie looks out the window, the Park residence is a two story house with a beautiful front garden that leads to an ornate door that is being opened. Josie opens the car door as Penelope comes outside of the house. They meet in the middle of the small steps that go up to Penelope’s door. Penelope smirks and looks over Josie’s shoulder, she waves to Josie’s mom with a smile.

 

Caroline leans across the seats of the car to look out the rolled down passenger window. “Just text me if you are staying the night.”

 

Penelope speaks as Josie turns around to wave goodbye to her mom, “Will do, Mrs. S!”

 

Josie’s lips curl in, stifling a laugh at her mom’s curious glance when Penelope uses such an unofficial title. She waves goodbye as her mom rolls up the car window and begins to head back home. She turns back to Penelope with a tilt of her head, Penelope’s smirk stays in place but it broadens as she takes Josie’s hand. Josie bites the inside of her cheek and follows Penelope up the steps and into the house. Josie looks to the open room they step into, expecting to see parents sitting around the area like her own are known to do from time to time, but she sees no one. The house is dark except for light from upstairs and Penelope tugs Josie’s hand lightly as they walk up the stairs. 

 

They make it upstairs and to the small living room that opens at the stair’s top. Penelope slowly lets go of Josie’s hand, Josie resists the urge to reach back for the hand that brought a calming warmth the two times she has held it. Penelope opens a closed door to reveal a room with walls of white base color but with paint decorating the white walls and making the room full of beautiful paintings. Josie’s hands run over the dried paint of the walls as she enters the room. 

 

“Who’s room is this?” Josie asks, lifting up a book titled  _ Crusades in Europe _ , wrapped in a leather spine and worn at the edges. Some page marked near the end of the book. As she thumbs through it she sees dozens of notes and highlights. 

 

Penelope looks over her shoulder to Josie, “Mine.”

 

Josie’s brow furrows, she sets the book back on the side table. “Really?”

 

Penelope lets out a soft chuckle. “Not expecting colors and historical novels?” 

 

“Not really.” Josie looks at a recent painting, a familiar face looking back at her but in a glow of white.

 

Penelope sits on her bed, leaning back on her elbows as she looks at Josie. “Well, do you like it?”

 

Josie turns from her painted face to Penelope, her head tilting slightly. She’s confused by the genuine hope in Penelope’s voice, the tone of Penelope genuinely seeking her approval. “I think it’s beautiful.” 

 

Penelope gives her a soft smile before pulling herself all the way to the center of the bed, sitting with her legs crossed. “Good, well moving on. You need to change.” 

 

Josie looks down at herself. “I’m in my most revealing clothes.” 

 

Penelope smirks. “Okay, I don’t want to push you out of your comfort zone but you look like a walking church.”

 

Josie looks down and slowly takes off her cardigan, tossing it on Penelope’s bed. “Is this better?”

 

Penelope’s smirk softens to her genuine smile seemingly reserved just for Josie. “It’s in the middle of the woods so it's going to be a little cold.”

 

Josie rubs her left arm in nervousness, “Do you have a jacket I can borrow?”

 

Penelope nods her head, standing up and walking to her closet. She slides the door open and shuffles through a few of her jackets hanging from the rod in the closet. She grips a leather jacket that Josie recognizes from Friday at school. 

 

The jacket makes Josie take a look at Penelope’s current outfit, a pair of black jeans with a black belt and a black shirt missing sleeves and cut open at the sides. Josie’s eyes divert as she sees Penelope’s black bra from the opening on the side. She looks back to her feet before looking up at Penelope who holds out the leather jacket. 

 

Josie smiles and slips it on, her arms feel odd and her face reflects the unfamiliarity of the jacket. She crosses her arms in front of her and then pulls them behind her, stretching in the jacket as she gets used to it. Penelope smiles as Josie gets used to the feeling of the jacket before she walks past Josie and holds the bedroom door open.

 

“M’lady?” Penelope holds a hand out as Josie walks out of the bedroom. 

 

“How are we getting there?” Josie asks as Penelope closes the door once more, and the two go down the stairs to Penelope’s kitchen where two large glass windows stretch from floor to ceiling. 

 

Penelope grips a handle at the end of one door and pulls, revealing the window is a sliding glass door to the backyard. “Just a hop and a skip.” 

 

Josie steps outside and Penelope closes the door behind both of them. The two walk all the way to the back of the yard and to three pickets along the fence that Penelope pushes against, they swing back and Penelope lets Josie go under first. Penelope lets the picket fence fall behind them. They face the woods that are behind the neighborhood. The forest is unowned land of Mystic Falls, unkept woods and overgrown with bushes and weeds. 

 

The woods are dark and Josie can barely see, she jumps when a hand reaches for her wrist. Penelope’s hands are warm on her skin, her fingers slip under the arm of the leather jacket, running against Josie’s skin. Josie lets Penelope brush her skin before their hands link and Penelope tugs her along into the woods.

 

Josie is unsure of how long they’ve been walking and her mind begins to worry. “Are you sure it’s out here?” 

 

Penelope looks at a tree and runs her hand on the bark before turning and tugging Josie along. “Of course. It’s just secret, so only a few people know how to get there and it's deep in the woods.”

 

“Why is it so dee-” Josie’s voice stops as they near the sound of running water.

 

In front of them is a rundown building, the walls missing planks of wood, the wood bending, and breaking. The building is on the edge of a small river that runs through Mystic Falls, it holds a large wheel that turns as the river flows. The building is only lit by the strings of fairy lights that are wrapped around exposed beams and posts, around railings and along the ceiling. Josie stops in awe as she looks on at the building. It’s a dead building filled with life, other students from their school are there, most out of uniform and in revealing clothes. The boys and girls laugh and joke, drinking from red cups as they gather around a growing bonfire. 

 

“Hopefully this answers a lot of your questions,” Penelope whispers in Josie’s ear. 

 

They walk closer to the mill and Penelope’s arrival seems to draw everyone’s attention. A group of boys led by a familiar student walks over to them. She recognizes him as Jed, a player in Salvatore’s basketball team. He opens his arms and embraces Penelope, making her drop Josie’s hand. Josie ignores how once again she has the urge to reach for her, how her hand feels colder without Penelope’s to hold her. 

 

“Hey, P, what’s going on?” Jed smiles and pulls back, his hand on her shoulders.

 

Penelope steps back, Jed’s arms fall, and she grips Josie’s hand once again. “Just a typical Saturday. What’s the plan for tonight?”

 

Jed eyes Penelope and his eyes fall to her hands, Josie takes a step closer to Penelope, partially hiding behind her. 

 

“Bonfire and fireworks!” A yell echoes across the party as another guy comes out from the mill, a red cup in each hand. He comes down to them and holds a drink out for Penelope. “I would have brought your friend a drink but I didn’t know you were bringing one. I thought you were just going to pick off the usual bunch.” 

 

Josie’s brow furrows but she stays silent, Penelope accepts the cup and nods her head. “This is Josie, first time at the mill.” 

 

“A mill virgin!” Jed exclaims in genuine pure excitement. “We have to do the deflowering ceremony!”

 

Josie’s pulse quickens and she takes a step back but Penelope’s grip tightens, Josie feels Penelope’s thumb rub against the back of her palm. Josie settles but hides behind Penelope more. 

 

“Not tonight,” Penelope says, her voice stern and demanding. Josie feels herself loosen a bit but still has a quickened heart rate. 

 

Jed just laughs and takes a step forward. “Stop playing Penelope, everyone does it. It will be real quick.” His eyes land on Josie’s. “It’s really quick and painless.”

 

Penelope steps in front of Josie, her arm behind her back as she keeps her hand intertwined with Josie’s. “Not. Tonight. Jed.” Penelope’s voice is sharp and it causes Jed to step back. 

 

Josie deflates and her heart rate settles as Jed takes a step back, hands up in defeat. He turns around with his boys in tow. Kaleb laughs and then walks away but he turns back around.

 

“I didn’t get your name!” He points over Penelope’s shoulder.

 

“Josie,” Josie says quietly.  

 

Kaleb still hears, he nods with a smile and walks to the bonfire. Josie takes a step back and pulls at Penelope’s hand.

 

“Is this some kind of sex club? Or some sex party? I don’t feel comfortable at a sex club, Penelope. This isn’t what I was expecting when you mentioned a party.” Josie rambles, breathing hard. 

 

Penelope sets the red cup on the ground before she takes a step forward. She releases Josie’s hand, Josie instinctively reaches for it, not caring for the meaning behind it, she only gets Penelope’s wrist. Penelope sets both of her hands at the base of Josie’s jaw, cupping it softly. She inhales deeply and exhales deeply. When she nods at Josie, Josie nods in return and they start to breathe deeply for a few seconds.

 

“I would never do something like that. I would never put you in a position like that. Josie, your new to this rebel thing. I wouldn’t just throw you to the wolves. Jed was talking about the ritual we make all newcomers do, you strip and jump off the top of the mill’s wheel into the water.” Penelope strokes loose strands of Josie’s hair and releases a chuckle, Josie calms.

 

Penelope smiles and sets both of her hands down, Josie’s hand on her wrist falls away. Penelope offers her hand once more and the two go into the mill with their hands intertwined. She picks the red cup up and swirls the liquid inside. She tosses it into a metal bin outside of the mill and continues inside. Inside everyone cheers at her arrival and they wave her over. She ignores most of them, she takes a step up the small two steps onto the deck in the back of the mill’s building. Josie follows her to the deck that’s littered with couches and seats. 

 

“MG?” Josie’s voice raises. 

 

From one of the couches, MG looks over to the pair of girls walking towards him. He spits a little of his drink back into his cup, a signature red cup of the mill. 

 

“Oh, shit.” MG looks around, trying to hide the cup before they reach him.

 

He fails as Josie steps past Penelope and grabs MG’s cup, lifting it to her nose to sniff it. “Is this alcohol? Did you just curse?”   
  


Penelope releases a little laugh, she puts a hand on Josie’s waist and Josie’s body jumps a bit as she feels the hand on her hip. With her other hand, Penelope picks MG’s cup from Josie’s hand and she gives it back to the boy. 

 

“Jojo, we don’t do rules here.” Penelope chuckles and urges Josie to the couch next to where MG is sitting. 

 

Josie’s heart flutters at the nickname. “It’s not just a church rule, it’s a law, Penelope.”

 

Penelope’s chuckle turns into a full laugh, she tugs Josie down next to her. Josie watches MG curiously, he avoids her eyes and continues to sip his drink. Penelope turns to him and rolls her eyes. 

 

“MG, can you get me a dri-”

 

“A drink. Yep, I can get you a drink. I will go get you a drink.” MG stands upward and darts away from them. 

 

“You had a drink from Kaleb, why are you getting another one?” Josie starts feeling cold even with her jacket and she slides a bit closer to Penelope.

 

“I trust Kaleb but I’m not a large fan of drinking random drinks. MG I trust more than anyone, I might not even drink it. I also was just giving him a break from your glare.” Penelope laughs. She puts an arm on the back of the couch and brushes Josie’s hair. 

 

Josie leans into the touch, even ignores as MG hands Penelope a cups before he sits down away from them. She watches as Penelope swirls around the cup, looking at the liquid, her eyes look back at Penelope and she feels her breath hitch when she sees Penelope staring back at her. Penelope tips the cup up to her lips and takes a sip of the alcohol, she offers it to Josie, their eyes never breaking contact. Josie bites her lip, hesitating and as Penelope takes the cup away thinking Josie is denying the drink, Josie grips the drink and takes a sip. It burns down her throat and she hisses at the taste. 

 

Penelope’s eyebrows raise in shock and she takes another sip. “Was not expecting that.”

 

“Me neither,” Josie says, still trying to get the taste out of her mouth. 

 

Penelope smiles softly, setting her cup between the two of them and the couch. “Would you want to dance?” 

 

Josie watches as Penelope’s eyes go over her shoulder, she turns her head to look at the bonfire which has drawn nearly everybody near it in a clash of people. Someone is playing songs from their phone and blasting it through speakers. She looks back at Penelope, in the midst of saying no when her head betrays her and nods in acceptance. Penelope stands up, hands out to lift Josie off the couch. Penelope puts her drink on a table next to the couch so it doesn’t spill then walks outside of the mill with Josie in tow. 

 

The two make it to back part of the mashed bodies, finding an open area where they can dance without slamming into others. Penelope starts to move sensually, dancing with the song. Josie’s mouth is open in shock, but it slackens as Penelope slowly pulls Josie into her arms. 

 

“Just breathe,” Penelope whispers as they dance. “Close your eyes and let everything go.”

 

Penelope’s hands fall to Josie’s waist and she slowly pulls the shirt’s hem from her skirt. Josie breath hitches as she feels the pads of Penelope’s thumbs rub against her hip bones, just below her skirt. Josie closes her eyes and leans her head back, slowly swaying her hips as she tries to find a rhythm she’s comfortable with. 

 

Penelope’s breath is on her neck again, “Good girl.”

 

Josie feels her stomach turn and light on fire when Penelope encourages her. She keeps her eyes closed, putting her hands on top of Penelope’s shoulders. She bites her lip and dares to take a step closer. One of Penelope’s hands rise to Josie’s neck, her dull nails scrape against Josie’s tendons and Josie releases a shaky breath as Penelope’s touch warms her skin. 

 

“You’re so beautiful,” Penelope whispers against Josie’s ear before leaving a soft kiss on Josie’s jaw. 

 

Josie’s eyes flash open, she feels herself falling from the Garden of Eden. The snake had offered her an apple and she foolishly ate it. She steps away from the snake, leaving Penelope in a state of confusion as she looks at Josie stepping away. Penelope steps closer and Josie shakes her head before turning on her feet and bolting into the woods. 

 

“Josie!” 

 

She can hear Penelope racing after her, calling to her but all she can see is the woods on fire. Her eyes are red as she berates herself, foolish and childish. She acted against her entire set of morals. She lied to her mother and her sister. Her dad would disown her, her church would kick her out. All because some girl made her lose her mind. She stops in the middle of nowhere, angry at herself for blaming Penelope for her own actions. 

 

“No, no, no.” She looks around and nearly screams, lost in the woods is not how she wants to die. She’s so filled in her cloud of frustration she screams as a hand reaches for her shoulder.

 

“Josie.” Penelope’s voice is soft and Josie just wants to fall into it, fall into the safety she felt moments ago. “Hey, sweetheart, it’s okay. Talk to me.”

 

Josie shakes from Penelope’s grip. “No. Go away. I can’t do this. What was in that drink?”

 

She’s grasping at straws and she knows it but its all she can do as Penelope step closer. “What? Nothing. I would never do anything like that. Jojo, what’s wrong?”

 

“Don’t call me that.” Josie feels the tears in her eyes. 

 

Penelope reaches out, “It’s going to be okay, talk to me please.”

 

Josie shakes her head and brings a hand to her stomach in pain. “I’m not like that Penelope. I don’t break rules. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

 

Penelope steps closer, movements incredibly slow that Josie doesn’t register them as she gets closer. “What do you mean, nothing is wrong with you? You’re beautiful and amazing. Nothing that happened tonight changes that.”

 

“I’m not like you, Penelope!” Josie shakes her head. Josie keeps pointing in the direction of the mill, unsure of how to explain it any different. “I’m not like that.”

 

Penelope stops, her face contorts into understanding and a bit of anger seeps through her features. “Are you talking about us dancing? About me kissing you, on the jaw?” 

 

Josie nods her head in clarification as Penelope puts her own feelings into words. “I’m just not like that, I’m not- not-“

 

Penelope stands upright, her frustration growing. “There’s nothing wrong with me, Josie. There’s nothing wrong with a girl liking a girl. There’s nothing that makes that any worse than a girl liking some boy. And there’s nothing wrong with you if you think you like girls.”

 

Josie takes a breath, her tears fall but her breathing seems to ease as she takes in Penelope. “I don’t know, Penelope. I don’t know.”

 

Penelope sighs and takes another step, fully into Josie’s space. She puts her hands on Josie’s cheeks and wipes her tears. “Did dancing with me feel wrong?” Josie shakes her head. “Did sitting with me feel wrong?” Another shake of her head. “Did holding my hand feel wrong?” A shake. “So what made me kissing you, on the jaw, any different?”

 

Josie sniffles, her eyes fall into a state of enchantment as she looks at Penelope. “I don’t know.” 

 

“That’s okay, it’s okay not to know. But don’t put knowing above feeling. I don’t want to push you, Josie. I didn’t mean to cause this.” Penelope sighs. “Let’s get you home.” 

 

Josie is silent as they walk back to Penelope’s house. When they return to Penelope’s room Josie’s body shuts down. She feels weak as she walks into Penelope’s bathroom. After pulling off her skirt and shirt to change into the borrowed shorts and baggy shirt she looks at the mirror. She sniffles as she sees her makeup streaking down her face, with a rough hand she smears the makeup even more and lets out a huff. 

 

Penelope comes into the bathroom with worry on her face, she makes a soft frown when she sees Josie’s smeared face. Penelope sets Josie on the side of the bathtub, taking a makeup wipe and gently wiping away the smudges on Josie’s face. 

 

In a sleepy haze, Josie mumbles while Penelope throws away the wipe. “Am I still beautiful?”

 

Penelope helps Josie stand and walks her to the bed. When Josie’s tucked under the cover, Penelope leaves a soft kiss on her forehead. “Absolutely breathtaking.”

 

Josie doesn’t hear Penelope’s response, deep in sleep as soon as her body is wrapped in blankets. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im on tumblr @ [daensas](http://daensas.tumblr.com)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ve never had someone do the walk of shame when there wasn’t even sex involved.” Penelope’s voice makes Josie’s heart clench.
> 
> “I’m sorry, about last night. About leaving and how I acted.” Josie’s resolve breaks and she just feels weak when Penelope slides next to her on the bench.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long, im having some family/personal issues but my classes are almost over so i should have more writing time soon!

Josie didn’t want to spend the night, she wanted to return to her home where she could contemplate her life with her face pushed in her pillow. So when she wakes due to the morning light breaking through Penelope’s window she feels her stomach turn in uneasiness. She looks at Penelope who is sleeping in a circular bamboo chair, knees tucked to her chest and a jacket draped over her as a blanket. She’s careful when she gets up, standing from the bed and slowly approaching her phone on the nightstand. She swaps her clothes quickly while she grabs her phone.

 

She quickly types out a text message and then heads for the door. As she goes to open the door she hears Penelope groan in her sleep, turning over in the chair and the jacket falls from her chest. Josie bites her lip in contemplation, she looks to the door handle before looking back to Penelope. She slips her phone into her skirt pocket, timing how long it would take her mom to come to pick her up. 

 

She slowly walks to Penelope’s form, pulling off the blanket that sits at the foot of the bed. She drapes the blanket entirely over the sleeping form of Penelope before she turns back and leaves the room. 

 

With slow motions she closes the door as quietly as possible and turns to go down the stairs. She looks around, unaware of where Penelope’s family might be, and as her phone buzzes in her pocket, she quickly makes her way to the door. She opens Penelope’s front door and speed walks down the driveway to the sidewalk where her mother is waiting in the car. 

 

Her mother looks to her as she opens the car door, “Where’s Penelope?”

 

Josie’s throat tightens, “Oh, um, she was cleaning up breakfast but I said my thanks and goodbyes.”

 

Her mother smiles with pride, “That’s my girl.” Her mom begins to pull away from the sidewalk and turn out of Penelope’s neighborhood. “Well, since you already ate breakfast that makes it quicker for you to get ready for church.” 

 

Josie gives her mom a false smile and then leans her head against the windshield. As she gets further from Penelope her stomach eases but her mind wanders. 

 

_ “There’s nothing wrong with you if you think you like girls.” _

 

Josie closes her eyes tightly to keep her mind from going wild. It was never that she was told it was wrong, it was never looked down on. She just grew up believing she was one thing and to find out she might be something different, something not as common, shakes her to her core. 

 

She wants to forget last night, the softness she saw in Penelope, the sweet smile that Penelope seemed to hide from everyone but let Josie see last night. The more she tries to forget it the more she hates herself for it, Penelope was never soft to anyone and for Josie to see it and forget it would be unjust. She thinks of Penelope’s softness, her skin feels warm; she feels the ghost of Penelope’s hands on her hips, her neck, her collarbone, just below her jaw. 

 

“Honey?” Josie looks up from her spot as she hears her mom, she sees the interior of the garage as she looks around and realizes they’ve returned home. 

 

Josie gets out of the car, “Thank you for picking me up.”

 

Her mom nods her head and they walk into the house to get ready for church. 

 

—

 

Josie is silent as the church gathers outside, a barbecue alight as they all joke and laugh. She finds herself at a wooden park bench that rests on the outside of their gathering, alone while her sister talks and laughs with schoolmates. She picks at the food on her plate while her mother and father eat and act jovial. When another family calls them over her parents stand from the table and leave her alone. She sighs for a moment and then pulls her phone from her pocket. 

 

She hasn’t had a text from Penelope nor has she sent one to the other girl since yesterday. Their text chain contains exactly three texts.

 

_ This is Josie, what’s the plan for tonight? _

 

_ Hey Jojo, just come to my place and I’ll tell you the rest. _

_ My place in ten minutes. _

 

She itches to text Penelope, to apologize and yet she feels like she has nothing to apologize for; Penelope had lead her astray. If anyone was to apologize it would be Penelope to her. 

 

“I’ve never had someone do the walk of shame when there wasn’t even sex involved.” Penelope’s voice makes Josie’s heart clench. 

 

“I’m sorry, about last night. About leaving and how I acted.” Josie’s resolve breaks and she just feels weak when Penelope slides next to her on the bench. 

 

Penelope shakes her head. “There’s nothing you need to apologize. I don’t know what I was thinking. Perfect little church girl going rogue? I was stupid to even ask. Just wanted to return this, and now we can part ways.” Penelope drops Josie’s Salvatore jacket on the table and stands to leave. 

 

Josie looks at the jacket, letting Penelope leave as she stares at the jacket she had completely forgotten about in her haste to leave. She stands up abruptly, nearly falling from the bench into the grass, to chase after Penelope. Penelope’s nearly to the church’s parking lot when Josie catches her. She reaches out and catches Penelope’s wrist in her hand. 

 

“Wait, what did you mean part ways?” Josie tugs on Penelope’s wrist. 

 

Penelope turns around, rolling her eyes with a heavy huff of air. “What do you think it means Josie? I’m not going to force you into another situation that makes you that conflicted. I’ll be honest, I like you but I never want to make you feel like you felt last night.”

 

“I don’t know what to do, Penelope. Help me. Please. I can’t think straight.” Penelope lets out a short chuckle and Josie glares at her. “I don’t know what to do.”

 

Penelope sighs and takes a step forward, her hand rises to Josie’s cheek. Josie feels the warmth of Penelope’s palm and she leans into the soft touch. 

 

“I want to help, I really do but this isn’t something someone can help you with. This is something you have to find out for yourself because it affects you, yourself. This is something in your heart that’s either always been there or never been there.” Penelope rubs her thumb over Josie’s cheek. 

 

Josie wants Penelope to hold her, to tell her it's okay for her to feel this way, that she isn’t odd or abnormal. She just wants a guide. She’s in uncharted territory and she feels like she’s freefalling. 

 

“How do I know?” Josie whispers. 

 

Penelope sighs, shakes her head and shrugs her shoulders. “For me since, I was little I saw women as beautiful and I wanted to do all the things they wanted to do with boys but with girls. I didn’t know what gay was until someone told me and I knew that was me.”

 

Josie looks panicked, her eyes wild as she tries to take it in. 

 

“But that’s not always how it goes. Sometimes people don’t know until they’re 80. It sucks, to lose those young years and only find yourself when your older but sometimes it happens. Sometimes people don’t know because they never thought it was an option.” Penelope speaks softly. 

 

“What do your parents think?” Josie looks over her shoulder to the park behind the church where her family mingles with others. 

 

Penelope puts her hands in her pocket and shrugs. “They’re indifferent. At first, they argued with me, said something was wrong with me but now they just treat it like it is, it's who I’m attracted to and nothing can change that. Sometimes it’s worse than that, sometimes it’s better. Take Hope for example.” 

 

Josie’s brow furrows. “What do you mean Hope? Hope isn’t like that.”

 

Penelope sighs with a soft chuckle. “Oh, Jojo. One, you’re going to have to start saying gay or lesbian if you ever want to be comfortable with it. Two, Hope is a walking rainbow. Her backpack has two rainbow pins on it. She even dresses like a lesbian.”

 

Josie’s brow scrunches further into confusion. “She just likes rainbows.”

 

Penelope nearly snorts with laughter. “Honey, no one  _ just likes rainbows _ .”

 

“How do you know?” Josie bites back, refusing to believe she missed something this important in her best friend. 

 

“Well, she did take me in the first three weeks after my parents found out. Then when they let me back in she still gave me help. That’s how she has my number.” Penelope’s voice changes from a tone of jesting to sincerity. 

 

“Jo!” Josie turns partially around to see her sister waving her over back to the party. 

 

“I’ll see you in class, Jojo,” Penelope speaks softly and sneaks off into the parking lot. 

 

Josie turns back to Penelope only to see her retreating form in the parking lot. She turns around and slowly walks back to the group. Lizzie motions her over and points to another table full of other Salvatore students. 

 

“So, I heard from a little birdie that Raphael asked to take you home on Friday night and you turned him down for…” Lizzie looks around for someone before lowering her voice, “... _ Satan _ .”

 

Josie’s eyes are still focused on the parking lot until the last word comes from Lizzie’s mouth. Her eyes turn to daggers as she glares at her sister. “She’s not that awful, you don’t know the shit she’s been through.”

 

“What did you just say?” Lizzie looks at Josie with pure shock. 

 

“You don’t get to call someone Satan and get to berate me for saying shit,” Josie grumbles and stands back up, she walks over to her mother which just happens to make her walk past Raphael and his group. 

 

Raphael stands up and approaches her. “Hey, Jojo.”

 

Her mind reels when she hears the nickname come from a rugged voice, the soft bounce of how Penelope pronounces it is completely missing and it makes her sick to hear it. She stops and looks at him as he walks in her path. 

 

“Please don’t call me that,” Josie asks nicely. 

 

“Oh, sorry, I heard Penelope say it and thought it was cute.” Raphael gives her a side smile.

 

_ It is, but only from her. _ She bites her tongue before speaking, thinking before saying anything that could expose the issue she’s fighting through. “I just don’t like it. Um, anyway, what can I do for you?” 

 

Raphael’s smile turns into a wide smirk, “Well, I didn’t get to ask on Friday but I was wondering if I could take you on a date? Maybe going to the diner downtown?”

 

Josie looks around and sees Hope approaching the congregation, coming from the opposite side of the park from where the church and parking lot rest. She nods her head to whatever Raphael had said, giving a quick agreement before speeding off to meet Hope. Her arms open as she greets her best friend but it feels different as if she’s doing something she shouldn’t. She recoils quickly, noticing the confused look on Hope’s face. 

 

“Hey, I thought you were going to visit family?” Josie asks as Hope takes a step back to put space between them. 

 

Hope nods her head, “I was but Aunt Keelin got sick last night so we came back early. What’s wrong?”

 

Josie isn’t making eye contact with Hope, her eyes scatter and look at things around them. “Oh, nothing, why would something be wrong?”

 

“Josie, I’ve known you since we were 3. What’s wrong?” Hope crosses her arms and tilts her head. 

 

“Can we talk?” When Hope looks around them as if to say,  _ We are talking _ , Josie shakes her head and clarifies. “Can we talk in private?” 

 

Hope nods her head and she walks with Josie towards the far end of the park, away from the group of families and to a large tree. She looks around to check for people before looking at Josie expectantly. 

 

Josie doesn’t even wait to see if they’re alone, the words come rushing out of her mouth like a waterfall. “Are you gay?”

 

Hope’s eyes go wide and her mouth opens in shock, slowly she shakes her head and she closes her mouth only to puff out her cheeks in jest. “Wow, you just leaped on that didn’t you. But, yeah, I’m bisexual. I mean, I don’t hide it. I have two pride pins on my backpack.” 

 

“I thought you just liked rainbows,” Josie whispers. 

 

Hope lets out a deep laugh. “Oh, Jo. No one just likes rainbows.”

 

Josie nods her head, running her hands over her eyes in frustration as she tries to rearrange her life over the facts she’s learning about her best friend. “Yeah, I figured that out.”

 

“What brought this on?” Hope’s laughs turn to a sincere question as she puts a hand on Josie’s shoulder in comfort. 

 

Josie shakes her head and as she removes her hands her eyes are red and watery. “Hope, I’m so confused.”

 

Hope hushes her and they slowly lower to sit down on the soft grass beneath the tree. “Okay, sh, it’s okay. Start from the beginning.”

 

Josie sniffles and nods her head, “I went to Penelope’s house because Penelope asked me to on Friday night, remember?”

 

Hope gives Josie the mandatory agreement so she can continue. “I remember.”

 

“Well, we snuck out through her house. Well, I guess it’s not really sneaking out seeing as no one was there and we weren’t hiding from someone. I thought we were lost, but Penelope told me she knew where we were going and I don’t know why, but I believed her. We made it to the Mill and it was beautiful, fairy lights and a bonfire and couches and a rustic vibe. Penelope refused to let some guy take me to the deflowering ceremony. She was sweet and soft, gosh Hope it was so nice to just not worry about anything and I even had some alcohol.”

 

“Josie!” Hope looks at her, not with judgment but with a smile of shock. “How much?”

 

“Just a sip. Then Penelope took me dancing outside and I felt like I was floating. Hope, I felt so happy and just calm. But then..” Josie sighs as her eyes tear up again. “... Penelope kissed me.”

 

“Oh, I didn’t know you liked girls.” Hope’s brows furrow. 

 

Josie shakes her head and her first tear spills. “No, I don’t. I don’t know, Hope, I didn’t think I did but then Penelope. She made me feel like no boy has ever made me feel. Nothing is wrong with it but I just never thought I was that.”

 

“Gay.” Hope sighs. “Josie, if you’re struggling with determining if you’re gay or not you have to get comfortable with saying it. And you’re right, there’s nothing wrong with being gay or a lesbian or bi or even trans. No matter what anyone says, it’s normal. Some people like broccoli some people like cauliflower, It’s different for everyone.” 

 

Hope opens her arms and Josie falls onto Hope’s shoulder with a heavy sigh. Hope lets Josie sob into her shirt as much as she needs to, soothing her with soft touches. 

 

“Have you talked to Lizzie about this?” Hope whispers after Josie has gone silent from sobbing. 

 

Josie simply shakes her head. 

 

“How about after school on Monday, you and Lizzie meet me at Mel’s Ice Cream and you can talk to her? That way it’s in public and less likely to make you feel trapped and you’ll have me in case you need support.” Hope offers the option. 

 

Josie sits up abruptly and shakes her head, “No, Hope, I don’t think I’m ready to come out.” 

 

Hope shakes her head as well, “No, no, no. Just to tell Lizzie what you’re going through and what she thinks and if she can help. Not coming out, no, I’m not throwing you to the wolves just yet.”

 

Josie’s muscles loosen as receives clarification and she gently nods her head. “Okay, that sounds good.”

 

“Josie! Honey it’s getting late!” Josie and Hope both look back to see Caroline calling her over, Lizzie at her side. 

 

Both of them stand up, Hope gives her a soft hug. “Everything will be okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed!
> 
> im on tumblr @[daensas](http://daensas.tumblr.com) and twitter @[sapphicnox](http://twitter.com/sapphicnox)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael nods his head as well and then settles back in his chair. “So, what’s up?”
> 
> Josie feels herself hit an invisible wall, _What’s up? Well, I think I might be gay but I’m afraid to acknowledge it because everyone in this town is Christian and I’m afraid of what they’ll think of me. What about you?_ “Not much, just nervous about finals. You?”
> 
> “We have some qualifying games to see if we’ll make it into the state tournament. You should come, we play the Timberwolves this Saturday.” Raphael smiles over Josie’s shoulder and waves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know how i feel about this chapter, but its written. anyway, comment your thoughts? if you have some critiques lemme know

She’s drawing circles in the margins of her paper, spirals that descend from the top to the bottom. Her teacher continues to blabber and she continues to ignore as she turns to a new page in her notebook. She starts a sketch as thoughts come to her, she starts the thin lines of a nose and the curves of lips. She pulls back from the drawing and begins to scribble lines over it as the face becomes familiar.

 

As the final bell of the day rings she shoves her notebook in her backpack, ripping out the page she had drawn in and tossing it into the trash can of their class. She shuffles through the crowds of students on their way out of the school and she ducks her head, hoping to avoid being seen as she makes it to the parking lot.

 

She pulls off her backpack and walks to the family car, she waves at her mom through the back window as she tosses her backpack into the trunk that Lizzie holds open. She’s about to go around to get in the back seat but Lizzie points over Josie’s shoulder and it grabs her attention. Josie turns to look as Raphael is approaching their car. She waves her hand as he comes to a stop in front of her, she hears Lizzie entering the car and leaving her alone.

 

Raphael gives her a soft smile. “Hey, I didn’t get a chance to talk to you today.”

 

“Yeah, I know.” Josie tries to shuffle away towards her car as she sees a very familiar dark haired temptation looking around the parking lot.

 

Raphael chuckles and follows her steps as she moves. “So I was just curious when you wanted that date to happen.”

 

Josie’s steps are immediately halted as he mentions a date. “I’m sorry what?”

 

“The date, I asked you on Sunday and you said yes?” Raphael leans on his leg as he reminds her.

 

“Oh um-” She looks over Raphael to see Penelope looking right at her, “Sure, yeah that date. How about tomorrow at Mel’s?”

 

“That sounds perfect, I’ll pick you up at 5?” Raphael’s smile seems to grow with a set time and location.

 

Josie’s eyes pan from Penelope to Raphael and she gives a soft chuckle. “5 is a little early for dinner.”

 

Raphael’s laugh is boisterous. “I have practice at 7 so any later and I don’t think it would be really considered a date.”

 

Josie shakes her head with a laugh, “Okay, cool. So 5 tomorrow?”

 

Raphael nods and turns to go back to the area of the parking lot where the car club hangs out. As he leaves Josie takes one last look at where Penelope stood, seeing now Penelope talking with Hope. She starts to turn to open the car door when Penelope meets her eyes and Josie can feel the tenderness of Penelope’s hands on her cheek as if she was right next to her. But with a blink, Penelope is back to focusing on Hope and Josie is left staring from afar.

 

Josie turns around and finally seats herself in the car. “Sorry it took so long.”

 

Lizzie hums and smirks in the passenger seat. “So when are you guys going out?”

 

Their mother turns to look at Josie. “Did Raphael Waithe ask you on a date?”

 

“Yes, can I go?” Josie asks with trepidation. Caroline simply shakes her head and they make their way home.

 

Josie makes it to her room on her own, throwing her backpack to the floor and falling into bed with a huff of frustration. She just wants to sleep, to have the day melt away and to not have to think about anything. She wants the thoughts in her mind to disappear, and she wants a certain dark haired girl to leave her mind.

 

But when has Josie ever gotten what she wanted, her phone interrupts her attempts at falling asleep with an incessant buzzing.

 

She looks at her phone with frustration as she sees messages from Hope appearing rapidly.

 

_Hey._   
_What are you doing?_   
_Penelope and I saw you talking to Raphael._   
_Are you still having those thoughts?_   
_I’m confused._   
_Hey! Text me._

 

Josie groans and rolls her eyes, a hint of her wants to throw the phone on the other side of the room and forget about it.

 

_I don’t know Hope. I just want things to go back to normal. Raphael is normal, I can do normal._

 

_But what about Penelope?_

 

_What about her?_

 

Josie can feel the unforgiving stare of Hope as soon as she sends the text.

 

_Are you serious?_   
_Josie we need to talk._   
_Please._

 

_I have a date tomorrow at Mel’s meet me after._

 

_With Raphael?_

 

_Maybe._

 

_Josie._

 

_Goodnight, Hope._

 

She finally tosses her phone aside and pulls a blanket over her, forgoing her pajamas. She curls up and shuts her eyes.

 

—

 

She sits on her bed, staring at the mirror in the corner of her room and the sweater that hangs on one corner of it. She stands from her bed and reaches for the soft material of her sweater, running it through her fingers. Josie closes her eyes and tries to ignore the feeling of ghost fingers touching her cheeks, her neck, her arm, her hands. With a deep breath she pulls the sweater from her mirror and tosses it into the laundry hamper. The feeling disappears and she stands in the middle of her room with a heart in her stomach.

 

“Josie! Raphael’s here!” Lizzie calls from downstairs.

 

Josie shakes her head to rid herself of the feeling taunting her, she rushes downstairs and to the front door. Raphael had stepped just inside with a nice polo and pants with loafers. Josie looks down at her skirt and shirt, feeling under-dressed despite the date being at a simple diner. She bites her lip in embarrassment.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t really know what to wear.” She furrows her brow as she takes in his appearance once more.

 

Raphael smiles and lets out a soft laugh. “No, it’s perfect, you look great. Are you all ready?”

 

He compliments her but all she can hear is Penelope whispering how beautiful she is in her ear, so much to the point she shivers at the ghostly feeling of Penelope standing next to her.

 

“Um, yeah, I’m ready to go.” Josie walks towards the front door and before she leaves she turns to Lizzie. “Tell mom I’m heading out.”

 

“Have fun!” Lizzie gives her a wink and waves her goodbye as the door shuts.

 

Raphael is the perfect gentleman as he holds open the passenger side door of his car, Josie dips her head in thanks and slides into the car. He comes back around and starts the car. She looks out the window as he drives them through town, looking at the houses and buildings as they drive. She sits in silence, listening to the radio as they make their way to the diner.

 

“So what do you think you’re gonna order?” Raphael asks as he parks the car.

 

It throws Josie from her distant feeling and pulls her back to the car. “Probably just a burger.”

 

“Isn’t that a lot of meat for you?” Raphael chuckles as he begins to get out of the car.

 

“What do you mean?” Josie turns to watch him leave the car

 

Raphael opens his door and walks around to the passenger side. “It’s just a really greasy and messy meal.”

 

“What do you order?” Josie looks confused as Raphael berates her over one of the most common choices of a diner meal.

 

“Well, a burger, but I need a lot of protein.” Josie tries her hardest not to roll her eyes at the pure masculinity that exudes from the statement.

 

Other than the rude slip on her meal choice, He is the perfect gentleman once more as he holds the door open for her to enter the diner. She gives him a half smile and walks into the diner, as the door opened the small bell chimed and drew everyone’s attention to the front door. Josie doesn’t take notice until she begins looking for a seat for themselves because as she’s perusing she glances over to a booth to see a very annoyed Hope with a cocky Penelope across from her.

 

Josie immediately turns back, trying to leave but is blocked by a large body. She closes her eyes tightly as she completely forgot Raphael was with her and why she was at the diner in the first place.

 

“Wow, you okay?” Raphael jokes as he ushers her further inside and to a table.

 

Josie sits and looks to her left to see Hope staring at her with Penelope giving her the tiniest of smiles. Penelope gives a flirtatious wave of her fingers and Josie snaps her head back to the date in front of her.

 

“Um, could you order my food, I’ll be right back?” Raphael simply nods his head and Josie stands.

 

She walks towards the booth with Hope and Penelope. She leans over the table with her hands pressing down on the table.

 

“What are you doing here?” Josie whispers.

 

Penelope’s gentle smile turns into a smirk. “I’m having lunch with a good friend.”

 

Hope shakes her head. “You said to meet at Mel’s diner.”

 

“Yes, after the date.”

 

“Is that what this is?” Penelope gestures to Raphael speaking to a waitress, a smirk on his face. “Cause it looks like he’s about to pick up another girl on your date.”

 

Josie doesn’t even care to look back for more than a second. “Can you guys leave? I’ll talk to you tomorrow at school.”

 

“We’re here to hang out. Why don’t you leave?” Penelope bites and Josie feels herself flinch in faux pain.

 

Penelope winces in pain and pulls at her knee and Josie wants to smile at Hope kicking the girl under the table but she’s simply too frustrated. Josie turns back around and goes back to her seat.

 

Raphael smiles, pointing to where she just came from. “Everything okay?”

 

Josie nods her head. “Yep, did you order everything?”

 

Raphael nods his head as well and then settles back in his chair. “So, what’s up?”

 

Josie feels herself hit an invisible wall, _What’s up? Well, I think I might be gay but I’m afraid to acknowledge it because everyone in this town is Christian and I’m afraid of what they’ll think of me. What about you?_ “Not much, just nervous about finals. You?”

 

“We have some qualifying games to see if we’ll make it into the state tournament. You should come, we play the Timberwolves this Saturday.” Raphael smiles over Josie’s shoulder and waves.

 

Josie looks over her shoulder to see the waitress approaching. The girl sets down a double cheeseburger and a caesar salad. Josie looks at the salad and back at the retreating waitress.

 

“Um, did you order a salad?” Josie points to the food in front of her.

 

Raphael shakes his head in confusion. “No, it’s yours.”

 

Josie furrows her brow, lifting her fork and beginning to pick at her meal. “Oh, thanks.”

 

“No problem. You going to come to the football game?” Raphael takes a large enough bite to eat half of the burger at once.

 

Josie looks to her side to see Penelope and Hope still talking but Penelope’s eyes still drawn on her. “Um, yeah, sure.”

 

“Awesome, I would pick you up for the game but we have to be there two hours early. So I hope you can get a ride and still go.” Josie closes her eyes and rolls her eyes.

 

“No problem.” Raphael digs his phone out of his pocket and starts to scroll through texts while he sits with Josie.

 

Josie sighs and leans back, her eyes are drawn to the diner’s bar and behind it the grill roars in flame as the cook adds more fuel. She can feel herself falling away from the diner, the chairs rise and grow bark while the tiled floor turns dark. Bark and leaves fill the ground and she can hear the distant music from the old mill.

 

She puts her fork down and feels the chill of the cold air brushing against her skin. There’s another feeling and it makes her insides feel warm despite the cold temperature on the outside. It’s a simple touch that warms her entire being, starting at her jaw and spreading underneath her skin to everywhere inside of her.

 

“I’ll be right back.” Josie stands and darts for the bathroom, the trees fall away and the dirt turns to hard tile once more.

 

She grips the sink counter once she slams the door closed. She runs one of her hands across the back of her neck and every time she passes the spot just under her jaw she feels her skin ignite once more. She groans and begins to pace the entirety of the bathroom.

 

The door opens and Josie is facing the back wall when she hears someone enter the bathroom. “Sorry I meant to lock-. Why did you follow me in here?”

 

“Well Hope said she’s never seen you eat a salad in your life and I wanted to see if you were okay. You looked pale.” Penelope’s voice has lost all of its bite, it’s soft and sincere and calming and Josie wants to fall into the voice to be safe.

 

Josie shakes her head, waving her hands around with her jaw open but no words coming out. She lets out a heavy sigh and tightens her eyes shut. With a groan, she just leans forward into Penelope. Penelope stiffens at first and Josie can feel it, right before she feels Penelope wrapping her arms around.

 

“Shh, it’s okay. Just talk to me.” Penelope whispers in Josie’s ear.

 

Josie takes a step back but Penelope keeps her hands on Josie’s arms. “I don’t know Penelope. Everything I do makes me think about you and everything I see makes me think about you. I can’t stop comparing you to Raphael.”

 

Penelope gives Josie a smirk but Josie shakes her head to ignore it. “He smells like gross car junk but you smell amazing and warm and safe and everything that’s good in this world.”

 

“It’s Japanese Cherry Blossom from Bath and Bodyworks.” Penelope chuckles and it makes Josie smile. “Look at that, all better see?”

 

“No, seriously Penelope.” Josie leans forward and presses her forehead against Penelope’s. “His skin is rough and I hate it and I just keep thinking that if it was you that I wouldn’t hate when someone held my hand or touched my skin.”

 

“You mean like this?” Penelope whispers, her voice low and Josie can barely hear it over the air conditioning.

 

Penelope drags her fingertips across Josie’s arms, ghosting over the skin with no pressure in the touch. She draws patterns with her fingertips, swirls and stars and circles, all patterns that are just barely there but Josie feels them burn eternally into her skin.

 

“Or like this?” Penelope’s voice is still quiet as her fingers graze over the palms of Josie’s hands, dancing along the lines that run across the girl’s palms.

 

“Pen-” Josie doesn’t know what she wants to say, she doesn’t want Penelope to stop and she doesn’t want to go back to her date and she doesn’t want to leave this bathroom.

 

“Or this?” Penelope finally moves her hands up and her fingers run along Josie’s throat. Penelope settles her left hand on Josie’s shoulder while her forefinger of her left-hand runs over Josie’s jaw. When she reaches Josie’s chin her thumb raises to run itself over Josie’s bottom lip.

 

“Penelope, please.” Josie closes her eyes as Penelope lets her thumb settle on her lip.

 

“You are so beautiful, Jojo.” Penelope leans in, moving her hand to cup Josie’s jaw before pressing her lips softly to Josie’s own.

 

Josie stands in shock but she can’t help but want more. Penelope starts to pull back and everything in Josie’s body forces her to grab at Penelope’s neck to pull her closer. Josie leans in this time, initiating the kiss. She’s never kissed anyone and she has no idea what she’s doing but she can feel the world aligning. Everything in the world is right and she knows she is meant to be here, at this moment, with Penelope and no one else. It’s all-consuming, it’s full of a light she never wants to dim. The confusion and fear she had moments ago dissipated, she just feels free. She feels the warmth in her body grow to a raging inferno and she just falls into Penelope’s body, but the heat turns to a boulder on her lungs as she can’t breathe. It’s against her own wants but she pulls away, just not far enough to leave Penelope’s arms.

 

Josie is so close to leaning back into Penelope until the door of the bathroom is knocked on. “Josie. Hey, I hate to do this but coach called practice to start early so it could end early. Apparently, some storm is supposed to roll in tonight. I already settled the bill and everything.”

 

Penelope smirks as Raphael speaks through the bathroom door. Josie lightly hits Penelope’s shoulder before responding. “That’s okay, I’ll ask Hope or Penelope for a ride home.”

 

“Well Penelope’s not out here so I think she left,” Penelope laughs, biting her lip to silence the noise, “but Hope is still here.”

 

“Okay, I’ll go ask Hope.” Josie leans her head against Penelope’s shoulder, burrowing into Penelope’s neck like it’s a sanctuary.

 

“Later Josie, I’ll see you tomorrow at school.” They listen as his footsteps get farther away.

 

Penelope runs her hands down Josie’s arms before taking both of Josie’s hands in her own. They walk out of the bathroom hand in hand before making it to Hope in the booth. Hope looks up from her burger.

 

“Whatever happened in their,” Hope throws her thumb over her shoulder to gesture at the bathroom door. “I don’t want to know.”

 

Penelope smirks and then leans against the wall the booth is pressed up against. With a pull on Josie’s shoulders, Josie settles against Penelope with a smile.

 

“Oh gross, you guys are going to be that couple now aren’t you?” Hope fake chokes on her meal.

 

Josie sits up immediately and her eyes go wide as Hope calls them a couple. She feels a hand rest on her lower back as Penelope sits up to comfort Josie.

 

“Woah, Woah. Let’s slow down.” Penelope rubs Josie’s back.

 

Josie feels her heart rate soar but as soon as Penelope’s hand is rubbing small circles she falls back into a state of ease. “I wouldn’t say couple but Hope if you’re still up for it, I would really appreciate you helping me talk to Lizzie?”

 

Hope gives Josie the biggest smile, setting a hand across the table to reach for Josie. “Of course.”

 

“Are you going to come out?” Penelope asks, quiet enough for just them at the table.

 

Josie shakes her head. “I don’t think so, I don’t know what I am yet. I know I’m attracted to you-”

 

“Gross.”

 

Penelope glares, “Shut it, Mikaelson.”

 

Josie giggles at the spat then continues, “I know I’m attracted to you, but I also think Chris Evans is attractive. So I don’t know, I’m still trying to figure it out but I want to tell my sister. She’s my sister.”

 

“I’ll help you, too.” Penelope gives Josie a kiss on her temple. “However, you want me to help.”

 

Josie leans on her shoulder. “Thank you.”

 

“Now, let’s get you some food. What douche bag thinks he can order some salad for you?” Penelope raises her hand to gather the attention of a waiter.

 

“No, Pen, it’s okay.” The waiter walks up and looks at them expectantly.

 

“Can we get two double cheeseburgers, everything greasy on it?” Penelope looks at Josie with a growing smirk. The waiter nods and returns to the kitchen of the diner. “Point One Penelope, Raphael zero.”

 

Penelope makes her right hand into a big zero figure, Josie rolls her eyes. “It’s not a game.”

 

“But if it was, I would be winning right?” Josie pushes at Penelope.

 

The waiter comes back with their burgers not much longer and the three of them sit in the diner until all of their parents start sending messages demanding them home. Josie can feel the worries that tormented her from Saturday to Tuesday melt away, she can feel things in her past make sense and she does so with Penelope’s hand on her waist the entire night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, too good to be true? is josie finally accepting herself? we'll see. 
> 
> chapter 5 will be out tomorrow on patreon if you wanna see it early
> 
> back at the og url [@canaries](http://canaries.tumblr.com), same twitter handle. [@sapphicnox](http://twitter.com/sapphicnox)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, Josie.”
> 
> Josie’s too preoccupied to notice the voice isn’t who she’s expecting, she simply turns around with a giant smile as she closes her locker door. Raphael stands in front of her with a bouquet of flowers in his arms.
> 
> “Oh, hi Raph.” Josie’s smile drops for a mere moment until it returns with a falseness all too familiar.
> 
> “I felt so bad about having to leave our date, and I didn’t order the food you wanted. I was just being a jerk. It was totally uncalled for, so I brought apology flowers.” Raphael hid half of his face from her with the flowers, bashful as he hands them to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said less than 7 chapters but its probably going to be about 10 anywho enjoy this chapter, we get a big reveal and some angst.

Josie wakes with a new handle on life, she feels the warmth of the sun in a new way. It invigorates her, it fulfills her. She skips to breakfast with a smile, it infects each of her family members as they watch Josie eat breakfast with glee.

 

“The date with Raphael went well?” Lizzie smirks as she takes a mouthful of Cheerios.

 

Josie’s smile falters before returning, it’s not as genuine but she maintains the facade. “Yeah, it was great.”

 

“So what happened?” Lizzie scoots closer to her sister. “Tell me everything!”

 

“Um, we went to the diner, we ate and then he had to leave early for practice.” Josie nods her head.

 

Lizzie sits up straight, slamming her spoon onto the kitchen table. “He left! What did you do?”

 

Josie’s brows furrow in confusion, “How is this my fault? Practice got pushed to an earlier hour because of the rain last night.”

 

“Well, you should go talk to him before class today, let’s go.” Lizzie takes her cereal bowl to the sink and washed it out before walking off toward the garage.

 

Josie shakes her head as she rinses out her own bowl. She grabs her backpack that rests by the garage door, trudging into the garage. While Lizzie shuffles through the music in the driver's seat Josie slips into the passenger seat with a heavy sigh. Lizzie pulls out of the garage and onto the street with a song blasting on the stereo. Josie closes her eyes for the whole drive, imagining the soft hands and lips of last night.

 

Lizzie has to forcefully shake Josie in order to pull her from her thoughts. Josie hums in acknowledgment, slipping out of the car and standing in the parking lot. She shifts her eyes, anxious to find the one object of her thoughts lately.

 

“I’m trying out for the cheerleading squad today, tryouts end at 4:30.” Lizzie waves from behind herself as she leaves her sister in the lot.

 

Josie gives a half-hearted wave before she turns toward the spot she knows Hope frequently parks at, eyes scanning as she approaches the car. Hope steps out with a smile, walking up to Josie and wrapping her in a hug.

 

Josie smiles and hugs her friend in return, “Hey, did you bring Penelope?”

 

Hope shook her head. “No, her mom is bringing her.”

 

Josie nods and the two of them set off to the school. They have fifteen minutes before first period and Josie chooses to stand near the gate of the parking lot. Hope stays with her while they await their third comrade. Josie’s heart flutters at even the smallest thought of Penelope. She aches for the arms of Penelope, more comfortable with the thought of Penelope holding her than she ever has been.

 

A part of her tries to crawl into her mind, berate her for even having the smallest of thoughts about a girl. Yet with each time she starts to become the slightest bit afraid again she feels Penelope’s arms, there to hold her during unsure times.

 

It’s those arms she feels wrapping around herself now, bringing a warmth through her entire body. She leans back, hearing a humming in her ear that brings the song of bliss.

 

“Good morning.” Penelope’s voice is lyrical this morning. Josie steps forward to leave Penelope’s arms, clearing her throat. “Too much?”

 

“It’s nice, I’m just not used to it,” Josie whispers, lowering her head with a bashful smile.

 

Penelope smiles and leans close to Josie, she doesn’t make a move for a public display but she stands close enough that Josie is more comfortable than a moment before. Hope rolls her eyes before turning to walk towards the classroom of her first class. Penelope and Josie follow shortly until they have to split for their classes. As Josie takes a step away from Penelope her wrist is gripped by Penelope’s hand. She looks at Penelope with a smile as they stand in the hallway.

 

Penelope removes her hand from Josie’s wrists, she looks about the hallway before turning back to Josie. From her back pocket, she pulls a folded piece of paper and hands it to Josie. Josie smiles and starts to unfold it before Penelope puts a hand atop her own to stop it.

 

“For later, it’s, um, a poem.” Josie’s smile breaks wide with a single chuckle, “Don’t laugh.”

 

Penelope’s smile is just as wide and it makes Josie bite her lower lip to prevent further laughter. “Okay, okay. I’ll open it later.”

 

Penelope goes to hug her but Josie puts a hand up to Penelope’s chest to stop her. “I can’t hug you?”

 

“I just-”

 

“Hope, Lizzie, MG, all of them can hug you, but I can’t?” Penelope’s face contorts to confusion.

 

“They’re not-”

 

“Not what? Gay?” Penelope’s voice raises and it draws attention.

 

“Penelope.” Josie bites at her, irritated with the outburst.

 

“Whatever. I thought you were past this.” Penelope turns away and leaves Josie in the hallway.

 

“Penelope!” Josie shouts down the hallway.

 

Penelope doesn’t even look over her shoulder, she trudges through the halls and all who she passes by step out of her way. Josie groans as the first bell rings for classes to begin. She turns around and heads into the class, her hand clenching the paper given to her. With a sigh, she slips it into her pocket and tries to forget the incident for now.

 

—

 

Josie stands at her locker, Hope talking about her morning meal at the Mikaelson residence. Josie leans against the lockers with a smile as she listens to Hope grow in rage as she gets to the point in her story where she realized they had no milk in the house. Josie chuckles loudly at Hope’s over-exaggerated anger.

 

“Hey, Josie.”

 

Josie’s too preoccupied to notice the voice isn’t who she’s expecting, she simply turns around with a giant smile as she closes her locker door. Raphael stands in front of her with a bouquet of flowers in his arms.

 

“Oh, hi Raph.” Josie’s smile drops for a mere moment until it returns with a falseness all too familiar.

 

“I felt so bad about having to leave our date, and I didn’t order the food you wanted. I was just being a jerk. It was totally uncalled for, so I brought apology flowers.” Raphael hid half of his face from her with the flowers, bashful as he hands them to her.

 

Josie grips them lightly, not sure what to do, and the entire hallway erupts in awes and oohs of the other students. She looks behind herself to see Hope who is looking past both Raphael and Josie. Josie follows her line of sight to see Penelope just walking out of her classroom, a fading smile turning into a grimace as she makes eye contact with Josie. Josie feels her heart sink into her chest.

 

Raphael starts to walk away before he turns on his heel to lean close to Josie, waiting a breath and then presses a kiss to her cheek. He walks backward and into a classroom with a large smile on his face. Josie reaches up to brush her fingers over where his lips just were. She has no time to process the events as her sister’s high pitch squeal pierces her hearing. Lizzie comes racing toward her and leaps into her sister.

 

“Oh, sorry, save the flowers!” Lizzie laughs and takes the flowers from Josie, smelling them with a wide smile. “When you said he left you at the diner I was really worried but look!”

 

Josie simply nods her head. She turns away from her sister in silence, approaching Hope with wide eyes and a pale face. Hope’s face is in shock and she just stares at Josie.

 

“What the hell?” Hope whispers quite harshly when Josie gets close enough. “Was I drunk last night? What is going on?”

 

Josie shakes her head with a shrug, “I don’t know. This morning Penelope is mad I won’t let her hug me and now Raphael apologizes and Penelope acts as if she has some right to be angry.”

 

Hope chuckles. “You didn’t let Penelope hug you? Why?”

 

Josie shrugs her shoulders again and puts her hands up as a poor explanation. “I have no idea, I just stopped her. I didn’t want anyone to think-”

 

“To think what? That you’re friends?” Hope shakes her head in disappointment. “Josie, you don’t have to act any different with her than you do anyone. No one’s going to know anything unless you do something like kiss in the middle of the parking lot.”

 

Josie’s voice drops to a ghostly whisper. “I don’t know what to do Hope. When I’m with her I’m fine, I’m happy, I feel warm and safe, but when I’m with her in the public I feel like everyone can see what I’m doing and who I am.”

 

Hope’s temper lowers and she steps forward to hug Josie. “It’s okay. It’s going to take time. Last night was barely considered public. You two,” Hope whispers in Josie’s ear like a child saying a bad word, “kissed, in a bathroom.”

 

Josie laughs loudly before she steps away from Hope. She wants to keep talking, to lighten the warring feelings of her head and heart, but she hears Lizzie pipe up from behind her.

 

“Okay, so here are your flowers.” Lizzie hands them back to Josie, “I’m off to tryouts. Hope are you going to try out?”

 

Hope looks up, a bit dazed from being included in the discussion. “Um, no, but I’m going to watch Penelope at football tryouts.”

 

“There’s no girls football team?” Josie questions.

 

Hope shakes her head. “Family’s from across the sea, she’s trying out for the soccer team.”

 

Josie nods her head in understanding followed by Lizzie’s impartial shrug of her shoulders. She skips off and down the hall towards the gymnasium. Hope and Josie stand in the hallway as the school thins out and becomes the few athlete stragglers. Josie even sees Raphael cross the hallway, stopping in the middle to look at Josie and give her a smile.

 

Josie shies away and turns away from him. With Hope she goes to leave the school, they make for the parking lot to walk to the back soccer fields. Before they reach the grass Josie stands at the fence, watching the girls' team gathering on the far fields.

 

“She won’t want to see me. She was so mad at me this morning.” Josie watches as Hope keeps walking, only to turn at the sound of Josie’s voice.

 

“Yes and that was hours ago. This is now.” Hope waves her onward.

 

Josie takes cautious steps before fully following behind Hope. The two go all the way to the far-field just as the coach sends the players off to pitch. Josie sits on the metal benches that serve as bleachers.

 

The players start a drill and it causes them to look in the coach’s direction, drawing all of their eyes to the benches. When Penelope looks to the coach her eyes drift up to Hope and a smile graces her face until she sees Josie. Josie gives Penelope a reassuring smile but it makes Penelope glare and turn away.

 

Josie stands up but Hope pulls at her arm. “Where are you going?”

 

Josie sits back down at Hope’s stare. “I told you, I shouldn’t be here.”

 

“She’ll perform better knowing you’re watching.” Hope smirks.

 

“No, she won’t.”

 

Hope lets out a chuckle. “What was it she said last night? Penelope one, Raphael zero? Well as of today Raphael is at one. Showing off will get her to two.”

 

Josie shakes her head, releasing her own laugh. “I’m not some prize they can play a game for and win.”

 

Hope waves her hand and shakes her head. “That’s not what I mean. Penelope is once again back to thinking you’re afraid of what could happen and unwilling to do something for yourself. She’s going to show off.”

 

Josie leans against the back of the metal bleachers. “Hope-”

 

“Let’s just watch and cheer her on.” Hope pats her hand on Josie’s knee then points to the field.

 

If Hope was anything it was always right, Josie watches as Penelope pushes herself harder than the rest of the players. On breaks she takes half of the time still running the distance of the field, she barely drinks a whole bottle of water by the end of practice. Josie shakes her head when Penelope stumbles and nearly gets into a fistfight with one of the other players. Her coach seems confused with her actions as well, putting her on the bench while everyone runs the next drills.

 

“I need to go.” Josie stands up, ignoring Hope’s calls behind her.

 

She shuffles down the bleachers and pulls her phone from her pocket to begin to text Lizzie, noting the time meaning her sister should be done. She starts a text until she sees an obstacle in her peripheral vision.

 

She looks up to see Penelope, red-faced and sweat ridden. Penelope pulls the hem of her jersey up to her face, wiping the sweat away and drawing Josie’s gaze to Penelope’s soft abdomen. She shakes her head to clear her mind before peering up at Penelope.

 

“Good- Good tryouts?” Josie takes a deep swallow, nearly choking on it as it goes down.

 

“What are you doing here?” Penelope bites.

 

Josie shakes her head. “Hope and I came to cheer you on.”

 

“Why?” Penelope’s words grow in viciousness even as they grow shorter.

 

“What do you mean why? Because I wanted to support you. I wanted to apologize.” Josie’s eyes widen in bafflement.

 

“Support me? Apologize?” Penelope scoffs. “We rushed into things no more than two days after you admitted you had no idea how you felt about your sexuality. So honestly, it should be me apologizing. I shouldn’t have gone into the bathroom and I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

 

“I kissed you back.” Josie nearly shouts, looking around in a panic.

 

“Which wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t even gone with Hope that night.”

 

“Pen, please. I need you.” Josie reaches for Penelope’s hand, begging.

 

Penelope takes Josie’s hand, runs her thumb over Josie’s knuckles. “No, you don’t.”

 

Penelope walks past Josie and to the pitch. Josie walks as she talks to the coach, going back onto the field with a last glance to Josie. Josie can feel the stinging in her eyes worsen with each passing second. She wipes at her tears, rubbing her cheeks dry as she marches through the parking lot.

 

She scans the parking lot, not seeing her sister’s car. She feels her heart sink, not wanting to walk home nor wanting to wait for Hope with a possibility of encountering Penelope. She shuffles through her phone, hoping for an idea of who could save her. Her thumb hovers over a singular name, she looks over her shoulder at the players gathering in a huddle. Her eyes fall on one player in particular, Penelope’s gaze everywhere but Josie, and yet despite her better judgment she still clicks call.

 

“Hey I’m stuck at the school, could you pick me up?”

 

—

 

“Here we are.” Raphael gives Josie a smirk, his arm wraps around the back of Josie’s headrest.

 

Josie nods her head slowly, looking to the front door of her house before turning to Raphael. “Thanks, Raph.”

 

Raphael runs a thumb over Josie’s cheek, taking a tear with it. “Are you okay?”

 

_No_. “Yeah.”

 

“Do you want to talk about anything?”

 

_Yes_. “No, I’m good.”

 

“Did someone hurt you?”

 

_Yes_. “No, just girl stuff.”

 

Raphael laughs loudly, “Yeah I’ll stay out of that.”

 

Josie gives a half-hearted chuckle, “Thanks again.”

 

Josie opens the car door and exits the car, not looking back. She reaches the front door of her house and turns back to wave but Raphael is already pulling away from the neighborhood. She shakes her head and pulls her keys from her pocket, pushing the door open before closing it with her back. She sinks down to the floor and finally lets herself free. She gives off quiet sobs in front of her living room.

 

“I saw Raphael’s car outside! What happened?” Lizzie comes prancing down the stairs in a cheerleading uniform.

 

Josie barely lifts her head from where it rests between her knees and Lizzie stops in her tracks. She comes rushing to her sister and kneels down next to her. Josie leans against Lizzie’s shoulder for support.

 

“I don’t know what to do.” It comes out in choked sobs, gasping for air.

 

“Okay, let's get you up and to bed. Then we can talk. Okay?” Josie simply nods her head as her sister lifts her up.

 

They take small steps up the stairs. Not worrying about the noise they made, their parents still gone and at work. Josie stumbles on one step and it makes her sob even harder. Lizzie pulls her back up and they make it to her room.

 

Lizzie tugs the straps of Josie’s bag from her shoulders and tosses it to the floor. She helps Josie to the bed, laying her sister down before she starts to help her sister let go. She slips her sister’s shoes off, pulls off her jacket, untangles Josie’s hair from the ponytail it settles in. Josie buries her head into the pillow as she cries, she feels her sister drag a blanket from the foot of Josie’s bed over Josie’s body. Josie pulls more of it over her shoulders. Lizzie sits on the floor at Josie’s side, eye level with her sister.

 

“Oh Jo, it’s going to be okay.” Lizzie awkwardly rubs her hand in poor circles on Josie’s arms.

 

Josie sniffle, slowly turning her head towards her sister. “You’re shit at empathy.”

 

Lizzie lets out a boisterous laugh and Josie follows with a small chuckle. “You spend one day with Penelope and you’re all shits and giggles.”

 

Josie smiles until Penelope’s name is mentioned then she tries to bury her head once more. Lizzie hums and brushes Josie’s hair that had stuck to her tear-stained cheeks.

 

“So this is about her.” Lizzie’s voice lowers to a whisper. “What did she do to you?”

 

Josie shakes her head. “I’m so scared Lizzie.”

 

Lizzie brushes her hair and nods her head, indicating she’s listening.

 

“I think- I think I like Penelope.”

 

Lizzie shrugs her shoulders. “Well, she’s not so bad. If you two are going to be friends I’ll try to be nicer.”

 

Josie shakes her head again, “No, Lizzie. I _like_ Penelope.”

 

Lizzie’s eyes open wide in realization. She nods her head and then tilts it a bit in confusion. “Um, okay, What do you like about her?”

 

Josie’s tears have stopped, her eyes still red and puffy with sadness. “You don’t think I’m gross, or wrong?”

 

Lizzie shakes her head and Josie can see the hint of tears in her eyes. “No. No, Josie, you could never be gross or wrong. You’re my sister. Okay?”

 

The softest smile graces Josie’s lips. “She’s soft but it’s selective. She can be rude but she’s so gentle. She pays attention and listens and has the softest hands. It just feels right.”

 

“I don’t mean to be rude, but what about Raphael?” Lizzie winces as if in preparation for a painful response.

 

“Nothing like that. His hands are rough and he doesn’t do anything right. I mean he’s cute and I still think I like guys but just not Raphael.” Josie admits, she slowly starts to unravel from the blanket.

 

“And you also like Penelope.” Josie nods in confirmation. “Does Mom know? Dad?”

 

Josie shakes her head. “No, only Hope.”

 

“You told Hope before you told me?” Lizzie sounds hurt.

 

“I don’t think that’s the point.” Josie starts to sit up as Lizzie stands up.

 

“I’m your sister.”

 

“Which is why I was so scared to tell you.” Josie tries to reason but it seems to irritate Lizzie more.

 

“Why? I’m your sister. I would support you no matter what, don’t you know that?”

 

“Are you turning this against me? Lizzie, I really need your support.”

 

“I tell you everything. I tried to get you a date with Raphael, I try so hard. I wanted you to try out for cheerleading but you didn’t even remember.”

 

“Lizzie!” Lizzie looks to Josie, stopping mid-rant. “Just leave me alone.”

 

“Jo-”

 

“Go away!” The scream turns quiet, “Please.”

 

Josie watches as her sister lowers her head, turns on her heels, and leaves Josie’s bedroom. Lizzie looks back one more time before closing the door of Josie’s room. Alone, Josie lays back down and pulls the blanket entirely around herself. She curls inward, putting her back to the door and her house. She grips the sweater that still holds Penelope’s scent, even as faint as it is it brings her a warm comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> weeeellll, hope you enjoyed! see you next week with chapter 6 or read chapter 6 this sunday/monday with patreon! 
> 
> as always, tumblr is [canaries](http://canaries.tumblr.com), twitter is [sapphicnox](http://twitter.com/sapphicnox)

**Author's Note:**

> !NOTE! Raphael was not going to do anything other than take Josie home but it can be very terrifying to be walking home alone when you are typically accompanied and then be approached by a guy asking to give you a ride. (thanks men!)
> 
> find me on tumblr at [daensas](http://daensas.tumblr.com)


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